Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Cheating: all the same, or different?

To find out that your loved one was cheating on you, deceiving, living a lie, is always a frustrating, heartbreaking experience. Some may say cheating is cheating regardless of who that person was cheating with. Theoretically, yes.

However... as a gay man, it would be much worse for me if I caught my boyfriend/partner/husband cheating on me with another man, than with a woman. I do not think I will ever forgive him, if it was with another man, but I will probably be more flexible in listening to his ‘explanations’ or considering forgiveness if it was with another woman. [ Don’t take this as granted, future boyfriends! :-) ]

Likewise, I always thought that for a straight woman it’s much worse if she caught her husband cheating with another woman, than with a man. Well, apparently, it’s not (always) the case, at least according to this article in Aravot daily (AM), reportedly based on one Armenian woman’s real-life experience where she says: “There is nothing worse for a woman to see her husband in another man’s arms” [“Յուրաքանչյուր կնոջ համար սեփական ամուսնուն ուրիշ տղամարդու գրկում տեսնելուց ավելի վատ բան չկա”]


vaguSnervuS said...

nice one.

there was one quote about cheating on loved ones: "if a man cheats on his woman with another woman, he crashes his woman's future. if a man cheats on his woman with another man he crashes his woman's past".

i wish no one will ever crash ur past or future :)

Anonymous said...

Well, to be honest, to me it's different. I can't explain why, but I'd rather see my bf with another man, than a woman.

Maybe some men consider women not to be "complete", and men to be such. And that's why if your man's with an "incomplete" being, it's more or less ok for you, but if he's with another "complete" being, equal to you, well, that's an insult... I dunno if that's the case, but, who knows, might be.

Anyway, my man+another man seems more acceptable to me than my man+a woman.

artmika said...

Oh, no, definitely not "complete" vs "incomplete" for me, it's something different.

artmika said...

Besides, how would you explain the similar (but opposite) attitude expressed by the woman in that article?..

I got 2 different comments on Twitter so far, both from women:

- ummm, totally agree with the woman in the article. At least if it's a woman I'll know what to do...if it's a man... it means not only is he cheating, but also lying about his orientation & possibly is not attracted to me AT ALL.

- I would say it's all the same because cheating is cheating. Period, non?

And one on facebook (AM), from man re that article:

- harcn en a vor yete knoj het davachaner @nduneli tarberak kliner

vaguSnervuS said...

btw, i would differ between cheating and betrayal because one being bodily thing (instinctive ), the other - non-bodily (say, affectionate for another woman/man) (or thats how i take it).

for me personally, cheating (bodily) is no problem unless someone i like who cheats puts his feelings into this act.

artmika said...

see, it's all too complex...

Lilit said...

Emotional/intellectual connection with someone of the same sex is normally much stronger than the one with the opposite sex. If you are someone giving importance to the emotional rather than the physical aspect of the relationship (no matter your sexual orientation) than finding out your partner is cheating you with someone of the same sex is more devastating.
Linked to this is also our ‘learned’ perception that being a man is ‘better’ than being a women, hence, one would feel more jealous if the partner is with a man than with a woman.

Anonymous said...

If I found out my gf was with another girl, I might think it's cool =).